areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What a dumb baby whore.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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