1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i barfeds in our rink
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
