yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
