I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
