I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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