FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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