this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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