I can text with my tongue
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
