Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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