what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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