mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
