Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
