i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
