Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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