wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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