I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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