I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
