I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
