FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
