Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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