I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
