whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
