sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
