So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you will always have a special place in my vag
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
