he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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