So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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