Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
