dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
