No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
