problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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