thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
