I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
