In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
