she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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