oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
