If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
