thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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