in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
