Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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