i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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