I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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