i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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