my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
