I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
