Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
