who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
