I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
