dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
4 words: hood of his car
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
