dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize