Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
