hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
