I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
