I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm at about main and main street
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
