What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
