He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
