Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
