literally had 100 drinks last night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
