ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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