but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
