I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
