He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize