Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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