I cockslap morals
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
