Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize