u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
