Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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