He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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