Do you still have your period?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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