Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
