maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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