TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
