She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just high enough for therapy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ever have a fart follow you around?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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