sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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