I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
