Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize