just tell him i said nine months
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
